Cullens and Walmart
by MissMakaraCaptor
Summary: Alice finds a list for 333 things to do at walmart. Absolutely no way this could go bad... Review!
1. Chapter 1

Alright guys, here you go! hope you like the Fanfic!

Alice POV

God I was bored! Im going to go online. I typed in "Fun stuff to do" and

scrolled down. Hmm... 333 ways to get kicked out of Walmart.. I had an

idea... "GUYS! GET YOUR BIG OL' BUTTS IN HERE!" I screamed, and they raced

in. "What? whats wrong?" I smiled. "Nothing is wrong, my dear Eddie." "My name

is not Eddie!" I snickerd and smiled at all of them. "Ok everyone!" I

began, doing my best to stay composed "OMJ! LOOKIE WHAT I'VE GOT! LOOK!LOOK!

LOOK!LOOK!" I said bouncing in excitment. "What do you have Alice?" said

Bella, looking a little scared. "I got 333 ways to get kicked out of

Walmart!". "Oh no." She said a look of fear crossing across her face. "Oh yes,

my dear Isabella" I said in what I assumed to be a creepy voice. Bella blushed

a right red putting most firetrucks to shame. "My name is not isabella! well,

it is, but still!" She snapped. I smiled. "Well, whatever your name is, Bella,

we are going to Walmart..."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

At walmart...

Alice POV

"Ok first thing," I started, "1: Smash the person in front of you in the head

with a ham." Bella blushed a bright red. "NO way, Alice!" She said eye's wide

at the request. "YES! GRAB THE DAMN HAM AND START SMASHING!" I yelled. Bella

flinched and grabed a small ham. "Now, remember, don't use Vamp strength...

and go!" I yelled befored walking up to the person in front of me. It was a

middle aged woman. This was going to be good. I raised my arms up and brought

the ham down opon her head, not hard though. Not even hard enough to knock her

out. "OWWW! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH? YOU JUST SMASHED A FUCKING

HAM OVER MY HEAD!" She bellowed in outrage. I snickerd, turned, and ran like

hell. This might be better than I thought...

AN yay!

review!

R= Read & Review

E= 'Ello. are you still standing there? GO REVIEW!

V= View my story and leave a review

I= If your still reading this , thaen go review.

E= 'Ey! Didn't i just say go review?

W= WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, AN INVITATION? GOOOOO! (please :))

byebye

PS A huge thanks to starlight-flowerz for being my beta! Without you I don't think this story would have been continued! () - Virtual Hug! XD


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N OMJ! (Oh My Jasper XD ) ive already got 3 reviews! *does happy dance* oh.. **

**right... your still watching me... oops. oh, **

**uh, Bye. *Blushes***

Alice POV

I ran to the rest of Cullens/Hales. "Alright everyone, on to the next thing.

Only one person will do this and I had a great feeling on who would

volenteer. "The next thing... 2. -" I paused. "Uh, Alice?" Jasper said with a  
>questioning look on his face. I looked closely at Jasper. "What?" I said eager<p>

to get on with the fun. "Where are Emmet And Bella?" He said a almost amused

look came over his face as he saw my expresion change. Crap. "Oh... Uh-" I

began stuttering but was rudely cut off from my semi-mental breakdown. "OW!

GOD-DAMNIT EMMET! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!" Bella screamed, a stream of

profanitys bubbling from her lips. "What did you do now Emmet! " Edward

shouted glaring accusingly at Emmet. "Why does it have to be my fault, there

are more than one Emmetts here!" Emmet said fearfuly. "You're the only Emmet

here you dumb creature!" Edward hissed. "No look her name is Emmet too!" He

said pointing towards an Hippy lady with a "My name is Emmet" Sticker on her

hippy clothes. Edward just face palmed. "What did he do love?" He asked Bella

who by the way was fuming. "EMMET HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH A FUCKING HAM!"

She Screamed. Edward looked ready to kill Emmet, but bella was his top

priority. he walked over to bella, still glaring daggers at Emmet, and kissed

her head. "I'll deal with you later!" Edward said glaring at Emmet. "Ok now,

the second thing on the list, number 2. Go up to some old geezer &

say "Grandpa! You're ALIVE! It's a MIRACLE! etc." I smiled evily at

Emmet. "You do this one." I said thinking of the possibilities. "Me? why me?"

Emmet said in a huff. I smirked and pointed a index finger at Bella who was

currently rubbing her head. "Dammit... fine..." he sighed in defeat.

Emmet POV

Dammit I hate that stupid little pixie! I looked to find the vic- i mean

geezer. I found one that looked kind of like me. huh, Rosalie said I was

special though.. I walked up to him and but my best fake happy face on. "You!

your alive! I can't believe it!". "Emmet? Emmet! How are you still so young?"

shouted the old man. wait... "Brady? My roommate? Oh My Jasper! "I thought you

were dead! Oh, Uh, really this time, wow!" He then proceeded to hug me. "Um, I

have an excalent plastic surgery doctor." I said a bit shocked. I hugged him

back and waved bye as he walked away. Alice and the others looked at me like I

was a Vampire or something. Oh wait, I was. "What? I knew him..." I trailed

off as they shook their heads.

**A/N Aha! lol please R&R. We really appriceate the reviews! We really truely **

**do! bye!**

**PS Another thanks to my beta! (My cool, super awesome beta! )**


	3. wrapping paper!

Alice's POV  
>"OK everyone! The next thing on the list is: 3. Challenge other customers to<br>duels with tubes of paper gift wrap" I said looking for the next  
>victumvolenteer. Rosalie smiled and looked up. "Can I do this one?" she  
>asked. "Um... sure?" I told her. Rosalie volunteering? Wow... isnt that a sign<br>of the apocalypse? "YAY!" she screamed and ran to grab a tube of gift  
>wrap from the Hallmark card section.<br>Rosalie's POV  
>"YAY!" I screamed and ran to get a tube of gift wrap. this will be fun...". "I<br>think i've been hanging around my idiot of a husband for too long... "WHO  
>DARES TO CHALLANGE ME, THE GREAT ROSALIE?" I yelled and everyone did nothing<br>but stare at me, including my family. "NO ON-" I started to yell, but a little  
>girl came out of the audiance. "I'wl chawange yew" She said in that little<br>girl talk they always use. I can't fight a little girl! "Well, erm, ok. Just  
>one little fight. Grab a tube." I pointed to the tubes of gift wrap and turned<br>to see Edward and Alice laughing their sparkly asses off. Oh great. Something  
>tells me that Alice saw something... Something also tells me, Im screwed.<br>"Hehe!" laughed the little girl before grabbing a tube with Hannah Montana on  
>it and standing in front of me. "Bwing it!" she yelled before swinging it at<br>me, hitting me in the head. "Ow!" That actualy hurt! What the hell? she. Is.  
>evil! I hit her back using about half of the strength a human has and she<br>glared at me. "Don't go easy on me just cuz I'm a wittew giwl. Or a  
>human." she said evilly does that mean she knows something? Oh well, She is<br>going down little girl or not. "Bring it." I said before hitting her as hard  
>as I could. With my vampire strength. She just stood there and stared. "Was<br>that supposed to hurt?" she questioned seriously before hitting me in the  
>legs, making me fall. "I WIN!" she yelled, put the tube back and ran to her<br>Mother smiling. I just sat there, stunned that I was beaten by a little girl.  
>Wow. She must have used Emmets steriods.<br>Alice pov  
>BWAHAHA! Rosalie just got her ass handed to her by a lit- wait… That's not<br>supposed to be possible... Oh well. "GUYS!" I yelled. "Next thing on the  
>list…" I said as the crowd around Rosalie dis-banded. "I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO<br>WRAP ANOTHER PRESENT" Rosalie wailed rocking back and forth.

**AN yay! I'm Really sorry that its taken soooon long. i procrastinate alot... oh well, R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Wow! Oh my gosh im so so, sorry I did not update sooner. And just in case your wondering, if its not that obvious, I am going to continue so if you dont like it, Stfu and gtfo of my story dumbass bitches.I mean if you clicked on the story you obviously wanted to read it, so yeah. If you do like, I WUV YOOO! XD Story time.  
>Alice pov I looked at everyone and made sure they were present."Next thing on the list..." I said and glanced at the list. "Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint" I read and looked up, trying to decide who would do this. I looked at Jasper who was currently backing up slightly, looking a little scared. I walked about ten feet away from Jasper and turned toward him. "JASPER! You do this one." I smiled with a you-will-do-this<p>

-or-pay look. "Oh no Alice. I will not. Absolutely not. Anything but that." He begged trying to stand his ground, still looking scared. "Fine. you dont have to-" I started looking a bit put out. "JASPER YOU WILL DO THIS DAMN THING OR NO SEX FOR A FUCKING YEAR, BITCH! IF YOU DON'T I SWEAR I WILL MAKE YOU MY VERY OWN PERSONAL BARBIE FOR A YEAR! DO IT OR ELSE!"

I screeched and tackled him, pounding my small fists against his chest. "AH! ALRIGHT ILL DO IT! JUST GET OFF ME! PLEASE! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed and I got off him, handed him some clothes, and shoved him into the ladies bathroom.

No one ever refuses me and gets away with it.  
>oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo A few minutes later...<br>Jaspers pov

Crap. How did I get myself into this? I love my wife but she takes things too far sometimes. I looked at my self in the mirror, now fully clothed in a dress, pantyhose, high heels, a grey wig, a blue purse, and make up. I looked like the spawn of Betty White and Barney. I walked out of the bathroom, Emmet took one look at me and, well im pretty sure all of Forks heard his scream/laugh. "BWAHAHAHAHA! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING! HAHA! SAY CHEESE! THATS FUCKING HILARIOUS!"

He shouted, clutching his side, on the floor as he took a picture with his phone. I walked over and kicked him hard in the side. "MPHM!" Was the sound that came from him as I took his phone and snapped it in two. Dumbass. "Alright! Jasper, You go over to that woman and hit her with a purse and- well, you know the rest." Said my lovely (and quite possibly insane) wife. I walked over to the woman and hit her with my purse, not to hard, and she turned around and glared at me, pure anger and fury rolling off her in waves when I realized who it was. It was the girl Alice hit with the ham. "FUCK! I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOUR AN OLD LADY OR NOT, BITCH!" She screamed before taking the purse and hitting me with it. The last thing I saw before I

blacked out were stars, and a smug look of satifaction from the lady.  
>Alice pov<p>

"Vampires shouldn't be able to black out... right?" I asked Edward, Who was currently dragging jaspers limp body. "Alice, I dont know and I dont care. Vampires are also not supposed to be beaten my little girls with Hannah Montannah wrapping paper either. Just read the next thing off the list." Said Edward while rubbing his temples. "Alright... the next thing is..."  
>AN: AHAHA! I FINALLY UPDATED! YAAAAAAYYYYY! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! BIG THANK TO THE REVEIWERS AND MY BETA! REVEIW

PWEASE! BYEBYE!.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry about NEVER updating. Love my reveiwers! Awesome thanks to the number one beta Starlight_Flowerz. Check out her stories: ****.net/u/2352660/Starlight_Flowerz **

**Story time!**

Alice POV  
>"Swinging on the half price banners is next!" I told them, smiling wide.<br>Bella recoiled in horror when she realized I was looking at her. "Hell no,  
>Alice." Said edward, glaring at me with a Don't-even-think-about-it gleam in<br>his eyes. "Fine. Only this once though! But your punishment for getting Bella  
>out of this is," I paused for that awesome dramatic effect, "that you have to<br>get Jasper back into his normal clothes and wake him up." Insert Evil laugh  
>here, Oh yeah. I said it. "OH HELL YEAH! IM SO FILMING THAT!" Screamed Emmett<br>before pulling out his camera. "Alice there is no way in hell tha-" Edward  
>started, but I cut him off with a threat. "Oh Bella! Ready to go swinging?" I<br>screamed. If silly little Edward didn't comply then this was his punishment. I  
>grabbed Bella's arm and pulled her towards the nearest banner. Half off on<br>bread. Yum. Not. "EDWARD! HELP ME! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME WITH THIS EVIL  
>PIXIE! HEEEEELLLPPP!" Bella screamed. She was so loud, I heard someone in the<br>next isle over say, "I want what she's on!". "Fine I'll do it! Just drop the  
>human!" Said Edward before grabbing Jazzy's arm and pulling him towards the<br>men's restroom. "Ok, I guess I'm doing this one." I told them preparing for my  
>swing. "Where's Emmett...And what are you doing?" Asked Bella. "I think he is<br>just filming your husband strip and dress mine." I said before realizing how  
>wrong that sounded. Bella giggled. "Ok. Wish me luck!" I yelled before<br>lauching my self into the air, grabbing on to the banner, and  
>swinging. "WOOHOOO! THIS IS AWESOME!" I screamed. Everyone in the store was<br>staring and I wondered how we weren't kicked out yet. Stupid Humans! I swung  
>one way, accidently kicking Rose in the head. Meh, I didn't like her hair today<br>anyway. "Sorry!" I yelled to her. That is when I saw something. Something that  
>scarred me for the rest of my immortal life... It was Edward. Wrestling with a<br>naked Jasper. With Emmet filming it. I dropped immedeatly, grabbed Bella  
>and Rose and ran towards the guys. "What happend?" I yelled before falling<br>toward the floor, giggling, And noticed the others were doing the same. "We- I-  
>No- I just- Oh hell. Jasper freaked out." Said Edward. "Believe me this isn't<br>what it looks like!" "Riiiiight. Sure." I said laughing, "Anyway, Onto  
>the next one. OK, next on the list is..."<p>

**CLIFFY! Any way, IMPORTANT QUESTION! Should I write a chapter about what happend from Ed's pov? R&R And tell me!**


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